If you have not already read the starting page to this site or were linked directly to this page,
PLEASE read the index page for this site before reading further. Thank you.

Introduction

Life's Strange Adventure:  The story of me.

I have categorized these pages into different topics. This page will serve as the background and starting page for the others.
It is my belief that the way I set these pages up will better serve the readers in understanding some of the strangest things that make me who I am.
-July 1994
Converted to html from text (txt) format in 1995.
Changed web address/host/moved - 1999
Changed web host/moved -2006, added new counter 2007.
Changed counter/reset count- 2008
Moved from old comcast server to beyond.thelostplanet.net domain - 2008
Created new index page and changed this to "intro" page - 2008
Fixed some long standing typos/removed large section regarding personal philosophies to reduce page size.
(May put back in as new separate page) - 2009
2009 - changed email address to the new one listed at bottom of page.
Added new "personal philosophy" page -2009


Added note: October 1996: I have purposely removed my name and other names (except maybe a few first names where it would make for easier reading) as well as exact dates. They are not as important as these pages as a whole and the information and message contained. In those cases I changed the writing to past tense, since this is in the past. I've also re-written parts from my original notes because of editing for length. Otherwise this page would be equal to about 50 pages of a book. Too long! Editing and consolidation is a good thing!

The following was originally written by hand on paper, then I typed it into a word processor in college when I was 18 - and now copying that printout for this web page in 1994.

I thought this document was lost, but luckily found it in with some old papers that got shuffled around when I moved a few times. I'm re-typing this as simple text and only fixing grammatical or typographical errors.  The original notes I usually wrote down in "diary" fashion on pieces of notebook paper, then consolidated them into full pages and stored them in a "hidden" place in my room.  So here goes.

Who am I? I consider myself a pretty average guy that has gone through some unusual circumstances. I work (sometimes way too much), have been engaged (which ended sadly as you will read), and only a few people know my "whole" story. I try not to pre-judge people and consider myself independent. I'm not an only child and was born very premature. My mom said they gave me a 50/50 chance. Doctors said if I lived, I would be short and "sickly" for the rest of my life. Now, I'm over 6' tall and rarely get sick. Usually when I do, I recover quickly. I heal very fast from wounds. Never had a broken bone. (Dislocations, but not broken.) For fun I ice skate and play ice hockey.  For a period in high school into college, I was extremely athletic - swimming, wrestling, volleyball and working out. It kept my mind off other things. Although at one point I probably was working out a little too much. Pushing myself too far.
If you would ever meet me in person, you would have no idea of the stuff you'll read about here. I don't really discuss it. I'll help anyone as much as I can with anything, I'm that kind of person. But beyond that I'm a pretty much "to my self" kind of person outside my friends and colleagues.
If you know who I am, I ask that you don't spread this information around. Some people can NOT handle it. Heck, if I didn't live it, I'm not so sure I would be able to handle it.
I don't care if a reader of this believes it or not. It is completely up to you. I'm not making any money off this and have nothing to gain or lose by what you think as the reader. In "real life", even if you brought this stuff up with me, I'd probably not give you any further information. Unless maybe I thought it would help you or you were genuinely interested. Maybe I'm just crazy and the things I've seen and heard are just wild coincidences or results of actual scientific anamolies.
It's just my life and I deal with it. For the record, I don't do "drugs" and never did. I don't smoke or drink. My personal philosophy on that is why pollute myself with poisons or mind-altering substances when I have enough reality to deal with! See my new personal philosophy page.

My background: I consider myself fairly well rounded but not "ultra popular". Today I see the world through scientific and analytical eyes. While I do have a belief in religion (party because of what is contained in these pages), I am not "religious". As a child I did attend Sunday School for a few years, but never really got "into" it. (It was one of those things my parents made me do, so I did.)  I saw it more as a social gathering with "Sunday school friends" that didn't attend my regular weekday school. I never memorized or really learned what the Bible said, but I thought it was a good thing to donate to the church because some of that money went to "poor people". Up until I was about 22, I considered myself Agnostic but started leaning toward Christianity. This was due to what you'll read in these pages. It will make more sense. I don't really have a particular part of Christianity that I follow, but if asked I usually say Lutheran because that was the church I went to as a child. Besides Sunday school, all I really remember about church was sermons were long and boring, people sang and we had to dress nice. At 26, I became a card-carying modern day "lay" Monk with a mission to help others - in daily life and with their spiritual life. So I don't live in a group setting and I have a life outside of the spiritual/religious world. The "vows" are relaxed to fit modern life, while still following some general rules. Again, these pages will help in understanding why I feel this way and followed this path.

When I was about 10-11, I started having headaches. Really bad ones. My parents took me to the doctor and since I had no other symptoms or injuries, it was dismissed as me just complaining or wanting to stay home from school. (But I actually loved school, I like to learn.)  At 13, it was obvious something was wrong. I would occasionally hear loud ringing in my ears - well actually my left ear - on top of the headaches. The ringing and headaches would sometimes happen at the same time, sometimes not. My regular pediatrician thought maybe I had some kind of hormonal problem. I was 13, the tallest kid in the class at that point and could grow a beard if I wanted to (and did sometimes). So it made sense that maybe my body was "out of sync" or something.
So off to the doctor I went again. Then a specialist. Then the hospital for x-rays and scans.  They found a little "thing" in my brain. Being a 13 yr old, my parents didn't want me to hear the word "cancer". So for a few months I took "medicine for that thing" or "to help with the headaches and ear aches." But I found out. I overheard my mom talking to the doctor. At 14, on top of the headaches and ear aches, I started getting really tired A LOT. It was quickly figured out I had hypoglycemia - low blood sugar. Puberty kicking in full force didn't help. Basically, I needed to eat right and keep something with sugar ready in case it started to drop. I think my parents came to the conclusion that it  was tied into the cancer. So the appointment was made for "minor" surgery. In hindsight, I wouldn't think brain surgery would be "minor", but the whole deal really didn't take that long. I was in one day and out the next. They used the "new high tech" method of cryosurgery. Basically, a needle went into my head and they forced liquid nitrogen into the needle - freezing the cancer. I was awake for the whole thing. I lost vision in my left eye for a few hours, but it came back. They waited a week and took another set of scans and x-rays. Everything looked good.  It was nice not having ANY headaches or ear problems for a change. But the blood sugar problem remained. So they weren't related. Being in high school meant a crazy daily schedule, so having a "snack" wasn't easy. Most days wasn't a problem and my guidance counselor was nice enough to make my gym period right before lunch - so I'd be eating right after running around. A few times I had to go to the nurse to make sure I was OK, but it was all cool. I never made a big deal out of it.
Then at 15-16 years old, things go nuts. I was fairly active, so the blood sugar thing went a little crazy. Lots of working out and I was a team swimmer/diver, which wouldn't last after an accident where I dove and misjudged the depth and smacked my head on the bottom, knocking myself out underwater. I misjudged because my sugar was getting low and I didn't want to eat a snack. So after that I had a "fear" of the pool. So off to something else - volleyball. Lots of fun and I enjoyed being active. Being tall helped - and if I felt a little "woozy", I could hop out for a bit and eat a snack. I also started to ice skate during the winter. It was during a cold evening skating at a local outdoor rink, my first visit "beyond" would occur. I went skating with 4 friends and we were driven and dropped off there by one of the guys father. Even though I was 15, being tall and having some facial hair allowed me to "hang" with "older"(17-20+ yr olds) friends - which I liked because I was always a little more mature than my peers. At this point  think I was probably a little too serious at times. (Note: I am adding this section here instead of on the "flatlined" page because it fits better here. The link to that page is at the bottom of this one.)
So, I was skating with my friends and started to feel light headed. So I said I needed to hop off the ice and have a snack. Two friends came with me to the skate center building where there were vending machines with snacks. (The other two continued to skate.) I barely made it and that's the last thing I remember at that point. They told me I collapsed. Luckily there were first aiders and there just happened to be an ambulance on site that night. My parents were called and my friends told the first aiders it was probably my blood sugar. But they didn't have glucose or the equipment to treat me, since I was unconscious.  This is where things get weird.
I'm in the ambulance and I'm in two places at the same time. I'm lying there being "worked on", while at the same time I'm sitting on the side looking at myself and the crew doing CPR on me. I can hear and see everything they're doing. But I can't feel it. I look across the ambulance and I see my grandparents that had died a few years before. My grandmother reached out to take my hand and said "It's good to see you, (my name). Come with me, I have things to show you." Feeling warm and "fuzzy" about seeing my grandparents, we "walked away" and were no longer in the ambulance.
I walked with them and recall asking "Where am I?" and "What is this?" My grandfather patted me on the back and said "It's OK, you'll be OK. I promise." It was like we were walking in a huge field of grass. There was light everywhere. Then out of the light I saw other people in front of us. My grandmother said "I want you to meet someone." - and let go of my hand. I stood there and a man came up to me. He said "Don't be afraid, it is not your time to be with us. You will be fine. Look down."
I looked down and saw not grass or ground, but sort of a transparent "mist" or "fog". But I could see below it. I was in the hospital and people were still working on me. I was getting an injection - and even though I could see a huge needle going into my arm, I couldn't feel it. I looked at this man, who was very plain looking. I asked him who he was. He said "Who I am is not important. What is important is that you understand. You are here for a reason. Your life has value and it is not your time to be here." So I asked, "Why am I here then? Why did this happen?" He said "It is time for you to go back. You will be alright and you will remember all of this. Remember what I have told you and what you have seen." The next thing I realize is there's someone shaking my hand and shoulder saying my name and "open your eyes or squeeze my hand if you can hear me". I open my eyes and see a nurse standing there. She's smiling. She says "Heyyyyy, how do you feel? You had us scared there for a minute."  I later found out I had flatlined and was clinically dead for 3 minutes.  My parents showed up just a few minutes later. I was checked out and we went home. I never told anyone what I saw or what happened. But now I'm writing it down. I don't think I'll forget, but I think it should be documented.
About 3 weeks later, I started having dreams. Not just run-of-the-mill "being chased by a purple zombie from Jupiter" dreams, but vivid, full color and realistic dreams. They weren't bizarre - as in being obvious dreams and recollections of daily life. These were like I was watching a movie - full size and I was one of the characters in the movie, so my viewpoint was from them. Sometimes they made no sense, sometimes they involved people I actually knew and sometimes they were horrible and scary. Very scary. I would wake up and remember everything- like it just happened. As opposed to dreams which faded from memory quickly. They didn't happen frequently, but rather weeks or months would go by and then there would be one. I started jotting them down when I woke up.
When they really started becoming more frequent and bothering me, I told my parents. The doctor couldn't find anything physically wrong and diagnosed me with "night terrors" that might go away after puberty. Tranquilizers were suggested, but I made it clear that I didn't want drugs to cloud my mind.
Then I started having headaches again. So off to the doctor - and getting scanned. Well, they found the cancer had returned. It wasn't huge and they thought some radiation treatment or medicine would work. I would have to be in a hospital for a few days or a week. So I was admitted.
I met this really nice girl named Julie. She has stomach and intestinal cancer. Very sad to see another 16 yr old with such horrible things going on inside. Her smile and outlook on life are like the sunshine. She's just a really sweet person. We hit it off and became close friends in just 3 days. We vow to stay in touch after I leave because her treatment is much longer than mine.
This same year a few months later, I'm getting busy with school. I stay in touch with Julie, but really start focusing on school and graduation. I'm also involved with being a rookie EMT, astronomy club, volleyball, diving/swimming and for a short period - even wrestling. I spent a lot of time working out to get my mind off 'everything else'. I may have been "built", but it was for the wrong reasons. I could have easily been one of "the jocks", but I actually avoided hanging out with most of them. The diving and swimming didn't last too long anyway. I had a sugar drop before a high dive. I misjudged the bottom and hit my head underwater. I blanked out. Luckily I was pulled out quickly or I would have drowned. After that I have had a hard time with pools, water and swimming. I "can", I just "don't" and to this day, I can swim but avoid it.
My best friend at this time is Mike. He didn't have a lot of friends (like me) and was also tall and a bit shy. We shared some of the same friends, so I guess in a way we were in a little "clique", but it wasn't a popular one. He wrestled (we were on the same team) and was on the cross country team. He had no desire to go to college and just wanted to run his family farm in the future. Some other kids thought he was 'slow' or 'retarded', but he was actually brilliant! He just didn't want to take advanced classes for college when he made up his mind he didn't want to go. I respected that and we became best friends.
He had an interest in astronomy, so I offered to teach him constellations and stuff and he was into it. He was a quick learner. The guy could do anything he wanted if he put his mind to it. We hung out a lot after school, practice, games. He really "played dumb" in school - it was an act. Among friends, he opened up and actually knew a lot. He even self taught himself to speak russian - who knew!? He helped me get better at ice skating and start playing some hockey. All this helped me with dealing with being away from Julie and with the other stuff that was happening in my life. I told him EVERYTHING I had seen and experienced up to that point. I trusted him that much. He never told anyone else and it made me feel better to have a friend like that. He told me a lot of stuff about his life, too. I'm not going to repeat it here or anywhere else. I promised.
So at 17 years old, one day I'm walking home from school, about a 1 mile walk. I hear a horn behind me and look back. It's Mike. He's had his license for a few months, so his parents let him drive the extra car to school. (He lived about 3 miles away.) He pulls up next to me and asks if I wanted a ride to my house. It's a little chilly and getting dark. Under any other circumstances, I'd hop in the car without question. But for some strange reason I look at him and say "No, that's OK. I'm almost home anyway." He says "Oh come one! I want to tell you something anyway and we can talk on the way." I stand there and all I can say is "That's OK Mike. I just feel like walking tonight.". He practically begs me at this point and says "Man, if there's something bugging you, you know you can talk to me. We're buds, right?" It was so weird because he's my best friend - the guy I respected and trusted - and all I can say is "No, I'm OK, I just want to walk tonight. I'll catch you tomorrow and we can go skating or something after school." He says "OK man, I'll see you tomorrow.". With that he drives off. I start walking and see literally no more than 300 feet in front of me, my best friend get to the next side street intersection. He has right of way and there's stop signs with flashing red lights for the cross street on both sides. So he is just getting into the intersection when out of nowhere a van flies through the stop sign doing at least 60 in a 30 zone. He smashes into Mike's car with such force, it gets pushed sideways, jumps a curb and becomes crushed up against a large old tree near the corner. I vaguely remember screaming "NO!" as loud as I can and start running as fast as I can toward the scene. The van driver forces his door open and I hear the noise because he's having trouble. I go to Mike and see him. His door is completely smashed into him and I can only squeeze/lean into the backseat window which is shattered. My adrenaline is pumping by this point and I go into first aid mode. People who live in the house near the corner come out and I yell for them to call an ambulance and cops NOW! I hear the man from the van. He's obviously intoxicated and cursing "that *ucking car who ran out in front of me". He stands in front of the car yelling stuff about "serves him right" and "he deserved to get his car smashed". I yell at one point "You *sshole, you were speeding through a *ucking stop sign..with flashing red lights!" I will never forget seeing my best friend like that. It was horrible. I tried to help, but he was literally crushed inside. I felt a brief pulse but only for a few seconds. Blood was squirting until his heart stopped and I had his blood on my hands and clothes. I know at this point there is nothing that can be done. While I'm leaning into the smashed back side window trying to do something - anything, I lean toward him and say "I'm sorry Mike. This is wrong. No one will forget you and you will always be my best friend. Always!" I hold his hand and ask if he can hear me at all to squeeze my hand. I swear for 1 second I feel pressure on my hand and a slight shaking. Then nothing. The police arrive and then the ambulance. People started showing up at the intersection from the nearby houses. They need to bring the jaws of life in to open the car. The drunk driver is arrested. One of the ambulance drivers recognizes me and confirms my EMT status and the police take down my report. An officer then says he will give me a ride home. I get into the car and I really can't remember what he said because I started crying like a baby. I think he was trying to calm me down or tell me he was sorry about what happened, but I was just balling my eyes out. I couldn't stop. I remember thinking "WHY? Why didn't I get into the car? What prevented me?" and the biggest question "Why couldn't I have kept Mike talking to me for another 5 seconds so he would have entered the intersection after the stupid drunk passed?" If I had been in the car, we both would have been killed. The passenger side was crushed in as well against the tree. It took me over a week to start dealing with the loss. Writing this brings tears to my eyes.
(Note: My original notes about Mike's death weren't from that night, but mostly from 2 weeks later when I felt the need to document more clearly what I remembered. I had made a note that I would NEVER forget the details of what happened and what I said. Now, years later it's on the internet. My hope is that something like this never happens again to anyone. Drunk driving is not only stupid, but just not worth it. Good people get killed every year because of drunk drivers. If I can save just one person because of what I went through, it will be worth putting this on the internet.)
After a few weeks, I try to get myself back into some order. I call Julie. She asks me to come visit.
(Skipping ahead 2 months in my notes.)
I go and visit her at home. My dad drives me since it's a bit of a hike. She lives in the next state over!
She's still sweet as can be, but missing her hair. It all fell out, so she's wearing a hat. She's lost a lot of weight. She's embarassed. But I still think she's the greatest. She says the doctors think she's in remission, so things should start improving.
Note: Shortening this part of my notes, which are pretty much "love notes" I jotted down.
We fell in love and I asked her to marry me while I visited - during a romantic dinner. My heart was POUNDING. I already got the OK from her dad. Then..she accepted! We both vow to wait until after college to get married. In the mean time, we'd visit as much as possible and stay in touch on the phone and by letters. She starts to get sick again the next year, but the doctors say she just needs another round of chemotherapy. I'm going to school out of state hundreds of miles away. She gets more treatement, I visit a few times when I can. Then it happens.
We stay in touch the whole time while I change schools and move. I juggle school out of state, visiting friends and family when I can, playing ice hockey and doing radio and astronomy stuff. At 21 yrs old, while living on campus, I get a call from her mom. It's the worse call I've ever gotten. She passed away. It was sudden. I'm 500 miles away with mid-terms coming up. So I can't even get out to the wake or funeral. My plan was visiting right after mid-terms and staying for the weekend. It wasn't to happen. The rest of that semester is shot. My mind is fried and my life is no longer what it was. This was a traumatic event that couldn't have happened at a worse time. I sort of go into denial, as if it's all a dream and didn't really happen. I suffer a little bit of depression. All while living away from home at college. Luckily I had friends who helped me get through it. I actually went to the campus church and prayed to God - why her? Why not me? I was the one who was born too soon and was only given a 50/50 chance of living. I was just me, doing my thing - but SHE WANTED to live. She WANTED to beat the disease. But I finally put things into place in my mind and stopped beating myself up. I do still wish I just took the time off from school and went to the service for her.
As it turned out, I didn't visit her grave site until almost a year later. I was in denial. Many times I wished it was just a dream and I'd wake up.
It took me years before I took her picture out of my wallet. But I still have it.


That is the end of this page.
Added July 1994 - From this point, I will split the pages. This page provides a good "introduction".
From here, you can go to my Flatlined Page or  Dream Page for my other death experiences. I do recommend the Flatlined page first
because it actually would be better to understand the background to the Dream page before reading that page.
Added in 2010 - Personal Philosophy page (using material that used to be on this page with updates.)

If you would like to get in contact with me, the current email address for these pages is: beyond@thelostplanet.net
Please note I am not a "fortune teller" or "psychic". I don't do "readings". If I get a strong feeling about someone or something I usually keep it to myself, or try to help them. Also note I do NOT check that email daily, so if you're looking for a reply it might be some time. But be assured I will respond and it won't be an automated reply.
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